Hi, my name is Shawn Alexander, but you all can call me KingJoker. I'm 25 years old, and I've spent since the year 2015-2021 locked behind a concrete hell that I had to call home. Growing up I never would have ever thought I'd end up in a jail cell, I was always a bad ass little baby like any other kid. I used to do the fuckin normal dumb shit kids did, you know like running asshole naked at 2 years old down the street to get out that jam. Hell I remember it like it was yesterday. My dad said,"It's time for your punishment go to my room, and the whole time he was saying that, I'm already in my head praying feet don't fuckin fail me now, and I always waited until the most unexpected time to take-off out the screen door, boy when you heard that screen smack the door on the rebound you already knew, there goes this bad ass little nigga naked and flying like a bat outta he'll strait down the cul-de-sacs in my neighborhood. Man, I was a fast little fuck, no body and I mean no body had any hopes of catching me unless they waited for my dumb ass too finally loose my breathe, and that was always my biggest downfall with my damn near daily annual butt-ass naked get away marathon, im fast asf but I always blew all my energy on the initial get away, and it never failed to happen, I'd get caught get a whippin then do the same damn thing later on the same day or I'd wait until the next day. Those were actually the days I enjoyed life. I might not say it alot, but there are days that I wish I could just shrink back too being 2 years old. Honestly, I had it good asf for a two year old. I could talk in complete sentences, and everybody understood me word for word. I learned all the swear words and taught myself how too use them in sentences correctly. I taught myself how fasten my sheets to too the side of this high up ass crib, my parents thought would hold me. No, sir I was out that bitch everytime they'd walk out the room and close the door. I remember sneaking quietly around the old house while my mom and dad had there Saturday night movie together. That never bothered me thoe, I used too tip toe around and step over the parts of the wood floors that squeaked or creacked, and man I felt like the fucking ninga assassin without the foot caning, cuz my niggas I hit all of the silent spots on point every time. Then the whole reason I would sneak out would be too go steal one's or candy or whatever was sweet that my small 2 foot ass could reach. After I was comfortable and confident that I'd never get caught up, I got more bold with it. I used too on the down low purposely fine a reason too have too go up and down the stairs that led from upstairs too the basement, and my parents had no idea what I was doing, but I learned every single spot on all those stairs that would get me caught. So one night I had planned it all out perfectly, mom and dad were watching a scary movie on this particular Saturday, and it just so happened to be the very first Leperchaun movie, guys you know which one I'm talking about right? The one with young Jennifer Anniston! But back to the story, I had gotten into a fight over toys with my older brother Dre. Now whoooohooo, that is a story for another day and another chapter, but just know that me and dre hated each other so much when we were kids that it didn't even make any sense. I didn't even use the word hate at this point in my life, but damn I sure asf felt it and so did he. So we had got into a fight over a dumb ass plastic toy, I tried too punch him up he busted my ass right back in my shit, boy I ran so fast up them stairs thinking I was gonna get him a whippin, when low and behold I forgot that nigga wasn't gonna let me get away with not getting my ass kicked if he was getting his ass kicked. So we both got whippins then got sent too bed. Dre and his heavy quick sleeping ass was knocked the fuck in like 5 minutes, our older brother Chris slept on the top bunk of the bunk beds and Dre got the bottom one, boy I wanted until the exact moment I heard slow even breathing, and hatched my little plan into fruition, I got out that crib like I was the fucking Dark Knight or Spiderman. I was as silent as a cotton ball falling to the floor, I waited just in case I had accidentally in my excitement made a sound, counted too 20 in my head, then my little devious light as a feather weighing ass was on the move, I did my normal route and stopped quietly in the kitchen and smashed some type of sweets. They were either brownies mom or dad had made, or they were chocolate chip cookies one of them had made, but I know they were fucking fire. Now I know what your probably saying in your head, dude it was just a fucking cookie or brownie, wats the big deal. Truth is the fact that I knew it was ass whipping time if I got caught, thats what made them so fucking good, because in all honesty if I ever would have gotten caught up for those late night excursions it would have all been worth it in the end. Now since I had gotten away with it again, I went on with my mission, and hit them stairs like I didn't way a single pound. And I watched the whole entire Leperchaun movie quietly crouching where no one could see me behind my mom and dad. Boy I love Jennifer Aniaton, it was all worth it. Then the very next day I was being slightly well behaved because my older sister Jackie and her friend from school Jackie D. we're taking us to the local indoor/outdoor swimming pool for fun because we had been "good". Until I got a little hungry, and if you know me then you know I was hungry for something sweet, I asked my sister for a strawberry cheesecake ice cream bar from the freezer, and she just had too say no to me. So when I heard no, I instant replayed the Leperchaun flipping the bird while riding his trycycle, and stuck my middle finger up as hard and straight as I can, looked both Jackie's in the eyes and said I can't have the ice cream, well then fuck you guys. And walked out the room. Needless too say I got my ass whipped,, and I didn't get to go swimming with everybody else..
The lesson i want you all too take from this story is that even if you don't get caught in the act red-handed, all your bullshit still will come too the light.4